


swing me out of the low (i'm ready to hope)

by pepi_peachnbeans



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Bullying, Comfort, Disability, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Muteness, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Selectively mute, Short Chapters, Slow Burn, Soft Im Jaebum | JB, Through the Years Fic, im sorry, jinyoung is mute, no yugbam, only ever mentioned though !!!, some sign language used
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-06 23:06:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 12,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15205472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepi_peachnbeans/pseuds/pepi_peachnbeans
Summary: jinyoung supposes that jaebum is like his white blood, the most important thing to him





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song white blood by oh wonder

Jaebum was ten years old when he first met Park Jinyoung. For as long as he could remember, his entire life probably, his mother always had a best friend, so close that he would always call her Auntie, even though she wasn't really his Aunt. His Auntie had always wanted to have kids, but she couldn't, and Jaebum never really understood why, or how the science of it all worked. All he knew was that she just couldn't, and that made her sad, so often enough she would focus her attention on Jaebum (who was also the only child) and spoil him. But then, his Auntie had found a way to have kids, by adopting them. 

  
Jaebum didn't really know much about that either. 

All he could gather about it is that those kids were in this system of sorts because they can't be with their real parents, either because they were dead or because they were deemed too unfit. So because of that, they went into this system to find new parents. He didn't really mind that his Auntie was going to be getting a child, in fact, he was more than excited. Jaebum was now going to have the chance to not only be the caring older brother that he never could be (since they let it slip that Jaebum was older), but he was going to have a new friend, because his parents had made sure that they were not going to have any more kids. 

It was a long process, but Jaebum could never forget the day that it was official, and how his Auntie cried with joy, which all lead to this: his Auntie coming over, with Park Jinyoung, so that they could all meet. While waiting, he was practically jumping with joy, but his mother made sure to hold his arm gently and lean down in front of him, "Jaebum, I want you to know that the world isn't always a good place. Bad things happen to people, and sometimes those things can really hurt a person." The mini speech really didn't make much sense, of course he knew that, he wasn't a dumb child anymore, didn't his mother know about that? "People are different, and that's okay. Don't judge Jinyoung, alright?" 

At first, Jaebum didn't get it. He didn't really end up getting it until about fifteen minutes after meeting Jinyoung. Jinyoung was shorter than him by several inches, and he was skinnier too. Throughout the most part of the introductions he had been hiding behind Auntie's legs, clinging onto her for dear life. He had big ears, a pouty mouth, and chubby cheeks that made Jaebum want to squeeze them like how his Auntie and mother used to (and sometimes still will) do to him. 

Him, his mother, and his Auntie all talked, there was the introductions, and all Jinyoung did was give a small wave, as he still hid behind her legs. It was soon after that, that Jaebum had finally realized what his mother had been talking about, and why she had given him that speech beforehand, about why Jinyoung was different. He was mute, or well, selectively mute as they called it. Selectively mute meaning that he chose not to talk, and that he wasn't always 'like this'. That there had been a time where he could talk, but not anymore. And all Jaebum got as to why was that the would wasn't always a good place, and bad things happen to people. Jaebum was curious, and he wanted to know what had happened to make Jinyoung chose to be silent, but the greater part of him didn't want to know. 

But Jaebum also didn't mind that Jinyoung didn't speak, he understood why. When his mother suggested that he take Jinyoung up to his room, he only smiled wide and nodded in excitement as he grabbed Jinyoung's left hand and dragged him up to his bed room ready to show it off. He is very proud about it after all. Now that his age was in the double digits, he had recently decided to change his room to make it seem much more mature. 

The walls of his room were still blue, they always has been for as long as he could remember, and gone were most of his toys besides a select few that he couldn't bear with parting. "So this is my room," he pointed out the space and fell back onto his bed. 

He had been expecting Jinyoung to follow him, but he didn't, so Jaebum strained his neck to see that Jinyoung was still standing near the door, hardly even in his room, as he fiddled with his hands, his head still lowered down, as he peeked at the room through his eyelashes. "You can come in," Jaebum pointed out. 

Jinyoung looked up and made eye contact with him, and did end up taking a few tentative steps in, but still seemed shy about it all. That was, until his eyes landed on the desk right next to Jaebum's bed, and to the book that was sitting there. It was a book of poetry- Shel Silverstein to be exact. Eyes focused on that now, he walked over and looked at the book, letting his hand run down the cover, and the spine as he inspected it. After several seconds, he turned to look at Jaebum again, and he could only assume that he wanted permission to look at it, so Jaebum nodded in response. 

Jinyoung picked up the book, and began to read the poems, so Jaebum had been right. At some point, with the book still in his grasp, he was sitting on the edge of Jaebum's bed as he read the pages, and Jaebum laid there and watched him read. "You can keep that book, think of it as a welcome present." 

Turning towards him, Jinyoung gave him a giant goofy grin, the corners of his eyes scrunched. There was no doubt in Jaebum's mind that they were going to end up being the best of friends.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please ignore the fact that jaebum is slightly ignorant for a second in this chapter, he has no clue what a panic attack is, nevertheless how to handle one, so the mistakes he made was very common

Jaebum was lying on the floor on his belly, head in his hands as he looked up at Jinyoung who was sitting on his bed fiddling with a toy. It was a stuffed animal, a zebra to be exactly, and he kept looking at it with a frown. He had gotten the zebra just hours ago, he won it at the little arcade inside of the store that they all went to. Jaebum knew that he had been trying to think of a name for his new toy, because he learned that Jinyoung took the act very seriously. 

"How about Harvey?" Jaebum suggested as he rolled onto his back. 

There was no response, not that Jaebum was expecting there to be one, but there was no grunt or piece of paper being passed to him. Rolling back around, he looked up at Jinyoung to see if he had missed him shaking his head in response. Jinyoung was sitting there, the toy zebra dropping to the floor, his eyes focused out in an almost distant like trance as his hand started shaking. 

"Jinyoung?" he frowned in concern as he pushed himself up onto his hands, watching as Jinyoung's chest started to fall up and down in an erratic and fast pace. "Jinyoungie?" By the time he got in front of Jinyoung, hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. Finally, Jinyoung came around because he outright flinched and began crying. "Calm down please," Jaebum began to panic, not knowing what to do. "It's okay," he promised. "I'm going to go get Auntie." 

Pushing back off of the bed, Jaebum practically ran out of Jinyoung's bedroom, and down the stairs until he was skidding into the kitchen.

"Jaebum don't do that," his Auntie spoke as she clutched her chest and placed down the knife she was holding. "You scared me." 

"It's Jinyoung, I-I don't know what's going on. I told him to name his zebra Harvey and then he started to shake and cry." 

"Shit," she cursed, and it was the first time that Jaebum had ever heard her swear. Throwing down the cloth she was holding she rushed out of the room. 

Jaebum's first reaction was to follow her, to see what was going on with Jinyoung, but his mom grabbed his arm gently. "Mom!" he protested as he tried to pull away. "I need to see how Jinyoungie is. I can't just leave him crying like that." 

"It's fine sweetie," she smiled. "But you need to let Auntie handle it okay? Here come sit with me," she grabbed his hand to lead him to the couch. "And I'll explain to you." 

Reluctantly, Jaebum agreed, "Okay." 

Once they were situated on the couch, his mom started speaking again, "What Jinyoung is having is called a panic attack." 

"A... panic attack?" Jaebum repeated as he cocked his head to the side. "He was panicking? Why?" 

For a second, his mom hesitated, before finally speaking again. "Panic attacks are when something triggers you, and it makes you panic. It can do all sorts of things, like making you shake, makes your vision messed up, and it can make you cry." she paused again, as if she was choosing her words carefully. "Something triggered Jinyoung into having one." 

Nodding along to her words as he took in the new information he looked down at his knees and picked at the fabric of his worn out jeans. "Mommy, did I trigger him?" 

"Oh no sweetie," she cooed. "It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't his either." 

"Will Jinyoungie be okay?" 

"Of course he will be," she smiled reassuringly as she petted his hair out of his face. "He's dealt with them before, and it's something he will probably always have to deal with." 

Jaebum let his mom pull him into a side hug as he stared outside the window that was across from them. All of this was new information, but it made sense, and it made him feel bad, it made him feel bad for Jinyoung. The fact that Jinyoung had to deal with all of this, that he was hurting like this, that he may always hurt like this. "How do you help him?" he sat up a bit more, before relaxing again. "If it's going to happen to him, and if I'm his best friend, shouldn't I know how to help him with it? Auntie isn't always going to be there." 

With wide eyes, she nodded her head, mentally applauded how mature her Jaebum was. "You're absolutely right. I think first and foremost is to never touch him without his permission. Always speaking quietly and softly, don't yell, that could make things worse. Ask him some easy questions, like how many fingers you're holding up. I'm sorry, your Auntie would be better to ask, maybe you can get better advice from her when she comes back down." 

Twenty minutes later, his Auntie did come back, by herself. She apologized to Jaebum and told him that Jinyoung was taking a quick nap before dinner. He was still worried, but since she reassured him that Jinyoung was alright, he decided that he could help them cook dinner. 

All throughout preparing the meal, Jaebum kept asking her question after question, all in hopes of being able to get more information so that he could be more prepared to be a better friend for Jinyoung, and she answered each and every single one of the questions he asked. By the time that the food was all put in the oven, he felt like he had learned a significant amount of information to make him a better friend. 

"Can you go wake Jinyoung up and tell him that dinners done?" 

Before she could even finish her sentence, Jaebum was heading back up the stairs to head to his room. Knocking on the door as warning, Jaebum walked in, noticing that the curtain was drawn. On his bed, Jinyoung was curled up into a ball, the blanket wrapped around him, almost like a little burrito, and Jaebum also noticed that the zebra was nowhere in sight. 

"Jinyoungie," he called softly as he padded closer to his bed. "Wake up," he whispered louder, singing the words. "Rise and shine cutie." 

At that, Jinyoung's eyes blinked awake, and Jaebum couldn't fight off the smile that spread across his face at seeing Jinyoung tired, and wrapped up in blankets. 

"Good morning star shine, the earth says hello. Dinners done, I helped make it, so that means you have to eat it." 

Yawning, Jinyoung got up stretching as he pushed the blanket off of him. After hopping off of the bed, he cocked his head to the side as he frowned at Jaebum, the realization and embarrassment of what happened earlier finally hitting him. 

But if Jaebum thought of him any differently, he didn't say anything. He just offered his hand out to Jinyoung and lead him down stairs, talking about the process it took to make the dinner. Before he knew it, he was smiling at Jaebum's back wondering what he did to deserve a friend like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've written too much of a moody and brooding and edgy bad boy jaebum (and i plan on writing more of that) so why don't we all take a moment to appreciate soft jaebum, who i am probably writing a bit more talkative than he probably should be but spphhhh it's fine. i think i'll write teenage and adult him as more like chill.


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all enjoy this fluff from me, because if any of you have read my other stuff 
> 
> it's a rare thing

One of the benefits of living where Jaebum did was the fact that he lived right by the park, and another bonus of growing up and being in the fifth grade, was that his mother was now trusting him to go to the park without her. But now, Jaebum had somebody to go with him, he could take Jinyoung with him. 

Going to the park with Jinyoung was always fun, Jaebum would push Jinyoung on the merry-go-round and in return Jinyoung would push him on the swings. 

Jaebum was trying to get across the monkey bars when he saw it. Jinyoung was by the slide, hands shaking and he was crying, the one kid and mother by him telling him to stop being such a crybaby. 

Letting go and dropping down from the monkey bars, Jaebum booked it over to Jinyoung. "Hey," he made sure to speak quietly, remembering his mother and his Auntie's words. "Do you want a hug?" 

Jinyoung shook his head in response, so Jaebum kept talking, "Come on, let's get over to the trees." 

Despite not wanting to be hugged, Jinyoung held his hand out to Jaebum and let Jaebum walk him over to the trees. They sat down in the shade, slightly away from the rest of the people, and Jaebum sat directly in front of Jinyoung. He racked his brain for what they told him to do, and remembered that they said breathing exercises help. "Jinyoungie, can you breathe with my counts? In one, two, three, four. Out, one, two, three, four." 

The two of them continued on like that, until Jinyoung wasn't crying anymore and he wasn't shaking. After a few, Jaebum stopped talking, positive that Jinyoung was coming around, and he didn't want to over crowd him. After a few more minutes of Jinyoung breathing and rubbing at his face, both his eyes and his nose, he opened his arms and made grabbing hands. 

Smiling, Jaebum wrapped Jinyoung up in a hug. "Wanna get going home? We should go get lunch anyways." 

Knowing that Jinyoung was prone to either eating a ton, or taking at least a twenty minute nap after his attacks, Jinyoung nodded eagerly and followed Jaebum back to his house. 

Once they got back to Jaebum's house, and were sitting at his kitchen table eating their lunch together, Jaebum looked down to the napkin that was being pushed his way. On it, written in messy writing (since writing on napkins was very hard, he knew this) was: 

_Thank you_. 

And if Jaebum made sure to carefully fold the note and put it into his pocket, Jinyoung pretended not to notice.


	4. four

At recess, Jinyoung has been more into playing with some of the other kids, not that Jaebum minded. In fact, he was happy that Jinyoung wanted to go and play soccer with them, he usually was too shy when it came to other people. It made Jaebum happy to see his progress. 

Though, Jaebum didn't really care about playing soccer, so he just sat at one of the picnic tables they had outside and read a book. About halfway through recess, and the soccer game going strong, a bunch of laughter caught Jaebum's attention. 

Looking up with a frown as he had to use his book to block the sun to see, he stared at the group of kids, both their age and younger who were in a giant circle. When he didn't immediately see Jinyoung he pushed himself up to get close to the circle. 

Two frowning girls that were in his and Jinyoung's class, let Jaebum go in between them to see what was happening in the middle of the circle, and Jaebum was horrified. Without hesitation, Jaebum was pushing his way into the crowd and shouting at people to get back. 

Jinyoung was on the ground, hands at the side of his hands, bawling as he pants was pulled down leaving him in his boxers. 

This gained teachers attention, and he could hear the girl Nayeon who let him through explain that some of the guys thought it would be funny to pants Jinyoung. Trying to contain his anger, Jaebum dropped onto his knees, ignoring the way they ached, and looked at Jinyoung. "Jinyoung? Can you hear me?" but he wasn't getting any response. "Jinyoungie can I help you pull your pants up, please?" 

Still not getting a response, Jaebum tenderly moved forward as he reached for Jinyoung's pants, but that only made things worse because he started kicking to get away. This was the worst attack Jaebum has ever witnessed in the time that he has known Jinyoung. 

When a teacher got in between them, Jaebum tried to push himself back to Jinyoung's side, "You have to be careful with him! He doesn't want to be touched." 

Turning away, Jaebum noticed another teacher talking to a group of boys, and he should have known that it was them who had pantsed Jinyoung. Before he could even think about it, he walked up to the boys, ignoring the teacher and pushed the first one he could get his hands on. After that he tried to throw a punch, but another teacher was yanking him away. 

The teachers had already taken Jinyoung away, but now they were taking Jaebum to the office too, albeit for another reason. When he got in, he went straight to the nurses room that Jinyoung was sitting in, despite the protests. "Call his mom, she's my Auntie, she won't care I'm with Jinyoung," he dismissed as he went to sit across from Jinyoung. 

His mom and Auntie showed up at the same time, both of them being whisked away to go talk to the principal about all that happened. Jaebum knew that his mother was going to be upset at him for not only pushing, but also punching another student, but he didn't care. They hurt Jinyoung. 

After a long time, his mom and auntie were returning to take the two of them back home. Jaebum and his mother left Jinyoung and Auntie to get into their own car and things were quiet as she started up the car to drive home. 

Once they got onto the road, she finally sighed, "Jaebum, you know you can't do things like that." 

"They hurt Jinyoung!" he protested as he crossed his arms. "Did you see him mom? That's the worst I've ever seen it. He wouldn't even respond." 

And it lasted that, for over a week, where Jinyoung wouldn't respond. He learned then, from Auntie who took the time to sit him down and explain to him what it meant to go nonverbal, which for Jinyoung, meant that he didn't use his head, wouldn't write, text, or anything else to communicate with them. 

Not that Jaebum really minded that he had no way of talking to Jinyoung at this point. He still sat there with him, in his room, working on homework, reading, and listening to music. Jinyoung's presence was enough for him then. 

Sometimes he would talk, about random things, not that he ever expected an answer. 

After a week of this, it wasn't until a Sunday that he started communicating again. It happened when Jinyoung got back from therapy, they all decided to have a movie day together. Auntie had asked if he had wanted popcorn, and Jinyoung nodded. 

At first, no one really realized that he was responding again, but then they did, and he saw how Auntie walked away with tears in her eyes, and Jaebum's mom smiled. Jaebum beamed as he patted the couch next to him and Jinyoung came over and plopped onto the couch next to him. 

And if everyone was just a bit happier during movie night, no one mentioned it out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this low key has the same ending as the last chapter but uhhhhh ,,,,, oh well


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm thinking after i finish tell me that you love me (even if it's fake) and the next chaptered fic i'm working on (y'all will see soon ;) ) that i am going to redo 'don't leave me' and make it into an actual chaptered fic and spice up the plot a bit. i would leave the og up still tho

For as long as they have been friends now, it was surprising that they hadn't ever gotten into a fight. But even they weren't excluded from typical childish behavior like petty fights, even if they were now suppose to be grown up because they were in middle school.

Jaebum had met a new student, by the name of Mark Tuan, who was a year older than both of them, and now their lunch period was spent talking to Mark, while Jinyoung sat there eating. It really only took about two weeks of this happening for Jinyoung to begin to get upset, not at Mark, Jinyoung tried not to take it out on Mark. He just wanted Jaebum to talk to him too. But it was so hard to not also get jealous of Mark, and not want to like him, all because of Jinyoung's own insecurities. How could he not be jealous of Mark? Mark was cute, he was funny, he was ridiculously kind, and on top of all of that, he could talk to Jaebum. He didn't need to write or text for Jaebum to understand him, and Jaebum didn't need to guess what he meant at times. 

So after school that day, Jinyoung ran to find Jaebum, just to find him standing there, waiting for Mark. But he grabbed his hand anyways and began trying to pull him away, to drag him back to Jinyoung's house so that they could hang out. 

"Jinyoungie, we have to wait for Mark," Jaebum explained as if Jinyoung had forgotten, while pulling his hand back.

When Jinyoung shook his head and kept trying to pull Jaebum away he raises an eyebrow. "You don't want to wait for Mark?"

Upon seeing Jinyoung's nod, his eyebrows furrowed. "Why? He's out friend?"

At that, Jinyoung shook his head and pointed at Jaebum. Mark wasn't Jinyoung's friend, he was Jaebum's. "Jinyoung I'm hanging out with Mark today, we can hang out next weekend or something." 

When Jinyoung huffed and crossed his arms in annoyance and jutted out his lower lip into a pout, Jaebum only rolled his eyes. "Sorry that I like actually talking to Mark." 

Right after he said it, Jaebum regretted his words. He saw the way that the words set in, and how Jinyoung's expression fell, and how his arms dropped to his side, and how the tears formed in his eyes. "Jinyoung-" he tried as he reached out, but Jinyoung only turned his back and walked away from him. 

Jaebum knew that he had messed up greatly, and when Mark finally got there, he shook his head and said that he wasn't feeling that well, and was just going to head home. Mark, at the very least, walked Jaebum home, and when he got inside he let himself fall to his bed. 

"Jaebum?" his mom called, knocking on his bedroom door before opening it up, a stern expression on her face. "Do you know why Jinyoung showed up home crying? Auntie just called." 

The guilt washed over Jaebum all at once, and he curled up into himself wishing that he hadn't even said that. It wasn't like it was true, he had just snapped at Jinyoung to get him to stop being annoying. His mother though, clearly noticed the guilt that was more than evident on Jaebum's eleven year old face (that  wasn't yet good at hiding emotions). 

So she walked over to his bed and sat down on the edge of it and grabbed the edge of the blanket that he was holding and pulled it away so that she could see him better, "Do you know what happened Jaebum?" 

Instantly the words were pouring out of him, "I said a mean thing to Jinyoung. I didn't mean it, I just wanted him to stop being annoying. He didn't want me to hang out with Mark, and I told him that I liked Mark because I can actually talk to him," he explained, completely avoiding his mother's gaze, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes. 

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe Jinyoung was just jealous? I'm not going to yell at you Jaebum, but you know that what you said wasn't right, and that it hurt Jinyoung, and you have to tell him that your sorry. You know he can't help the fact that he doesn't talk. It may be called 'selectively' mute, but it doesn't always work like that. There is a lot of psychology, brain stuff," she pointed towards her own head. "that doctors don't even know much about."

He nodded at her words, and looked down at his hands, "Can we go over to their house? To apologize?" 

So ten minutes later, Jaebum was standing outside of Jinyoung's bedroom door. Auntie hadn't said anything to him, and that was worse than if she did say anything. He knocked, and the opened the door to walk in. 

Jinyoung was laying on his bed, a discarded notebook and pencil next to him, and he peeked up from his arms when he saw Jaebum walk in. Once he recognized that it was Jaebum, he turned his head away from him. 

Sighing, Jaebum sat down next to him and placed his hand on Jinyoung's back. The slightly younger boy flinched at the action, but made no other move to push Jaebum away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that to you." 

The notebook was then being grabbed, and he looked at the words that Jinyoung wrote: _Is that how you really feel about me?_

Ashamed, Jaebum stared at the back of Jinyoung's head, "No, I was just angry so I said something mean. Just because I'm friends with Mark doesn't mean that I like you any less, you're still my best friend. I know you can't help that you're mute, and it was wrong of me to use that against you." 

Jinyoung was writing again: _Are you just apologizing to me because they told you to?_

Jaebum didn't need to question who 'they' were, he knew it meant his mother and Auntie. "No, I feel awful about what I said to you. I went straight home and sulked because I know I hurt you, and I don't ever want to hurt you. You shouldn't ever have to feel hurt, by anyone, and I know you already have." 

After several seconds Jinyoung was writing again: _Hug me and I'll forgive you_. 

Laughing quiet, Jaebum wrapped his arms around Jinyoung's back and tucked his head next to Jinyoung's. If that was Jinyoung's price, then Jaebum was more than willing to pay it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't consider this like a 'chaptered fic' perse, because though this is chaptered it is v e r y short for what i usually write and it is chaptered just because i didn't want to write all these choppy scenes into one long one shot (which is also i think my issue with don't ever leave me, i just put chopped up scenes together in one long ass thing)


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am not that happy with this chapter ???   
> also summer is a busy time and i haven't been able to write as much as i want to and it makes me sad :((((   
> because writing is deadass my fav

Subs were equally the best and the worst thing to happen to a classroom. If you got a laid back sub, it was a blast, but if you got a sub that though this was the military, it was surely going to be a long period. 

It seemed like it was going to be an okay period, albeit a boring one. They were handed a practice sheet to do, since the sub couldn't teach the math class, and were told to keep quiet and do their work. Usually they would be able to change seats, but the sub wouldn't let them, which once again, not cool, but not the end of the world. 

Jinyoung wouldn't lie, math was probably his worst subject. He passed all of his other classes with A's, but somehow if he managed to get a B in maths, it was a miracle. And it didn't take him long to get stumped. Usually, at that point, it is when he would turn to Jaebum or go up to to teacher, but since neither of those would work today...

Out of his notebook, he ripped out a piece of paper and began writing his note, 

_Hey Jaebum, do you know what I'm doing wrong on number twelve_? 

and underneath he added his work. 

Making sure to fold it up nice, and write Jaebum's name on it again, he tapped the shoulder of the person in front of him, Taehyung, and pointed over to Jaebum. Taehyung gave him a smile and passed the note along, pointing to Jaebum again, and the process repeated, student to student until it got to Jaebum. 

Just as Jaebum was about to open up the note, the piece of paper was snatched by his hand. "Passing notes?" she questioned as she opened the paper to look at what the note contained. "Who wrote it?" 

Glancing around, Jinyoung sank back into his seat as he rose his hand, gaining the subs attention. 

She gave him a look before looking back down at the paper, "No talking includes notes. And shouldn't you know how to do this? If you have a question, you should have just asked, I told the class when I handed out the sheets that the answer guide is right up here for you all to check." 

"Leave him alone," Jaebum snapped as he looked at her dead in the eyes. 

"And you," she turned her attention over to Jaebum. "Shouldn't you know better than to be passing notes? You guys aren't elementary kids anymore." 

"He's mute, so stop making him feel bad about it. Stop picking on students." 

At that, the sub went straight, getting a sour look across her face. "I will not accept back talk, or students not listening to what I say. Out of class, both of you." 

Without hesitating, Jaebum get's out of seat, his chair making a screeching sound, but on the other hand Jinyoung got up much more cautiously. Grumbling underneath his breathe the entire time, Jaebum grabbed Jinyoung's hand and pulled him out of the classroom and down the hallway towards the office. 

Jinyoung would never get why Jaebum would get himself in trouble just for the sake of defending Jinyoung. It wasn't as if he wasn't grateful for it, he just didn't get it. Was it worth it? Was going to the office and probably getting written up and getting a detention worth yelling at a sub on his behalf? The entire way, Jaebum had been ranting about it as well, getting so worked up about all of it, when it didn't even bother Jinyoung anymore. There was days it would suck, majorly, but sometimes he was used to people's ignorance. 

When he stopped in his tracks, it made Jaebum stop and turn around to look at him. Using his free hand, he used one of the simple phrases he had learned at therapy, the sign for 'thank you.' 

The recognization flashed across Jaebum's face and he squeezed Jinyoung's hand, "Always. I'm never gonna let anyone say mean things to you, no matter who they are." 

All Jinyoung could do was smile. 

 


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my ass promised that i wouldn't start posting another fic until i at least finished this because i know i can't handle having four things expecting to be updated but it is getting realllyyyy hard to not want to post it

Group work was something that Jinyoung didn't loathe, unlike every other student. Maybe it was because he knew that he would always have Jaebum guaranteed with him in a group, or maybe he just didn't hate people as much. Either way, when in their science class they were told that they were going to be doing their first project, Jinyoung was excited. 

He was even more excited once he found out the other member of his group, Choi Youngjae. 

Luckily enough, the group all clicked together, which Jinyoung was more than thankful for. 

They had all decided to do their presentation on why Willow Trees were considered weeds, and all decided to meet up at Jaebum's house to work on the project that weekend. 

By the time the weekend came, the boys spent the day working on the assignment, getting a progress done. 

Little did they know that they were all going to stay friends after this project. 

After they began the project, Youngjae joined Jaebum, Jinyoung, and Mark every day for lunch, and it didn't take long for them to start hanging outside of school for non-academic purposes. 

Jinyoung liked Youngjae, he was always happy, and he was amazing, and utterly sweet. On top of it, he didn't judge Jinyoung, which really was all that Jinyoung could ask for. He even made sure to spend time with Jinyoung and to talk to him, meaning that he wasn't just there to be friends with Jaebum either, or friends by association. 

It made him happy. 

Happy that he had two people to call his friends, and one to call his best friend, when he was younger he never thought that he would. Even a year ago, he wouldn't have thought that he would consider Mark a friend, because at a point he didn't. But ever since that fight he had with Jaebum, Mark made more of an effort to be friends with Jinyoung, and Jinyoung made more of an effort to realize that Mark wasn't as evil as he thought he was (he wasn't even evil at all). 

And then he had Jaebum by his side, and he couldn't be any more grateful. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i am really hoping to update tmtylm(eiif) this week


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bitch flufffff

Getting gifts for Jinyoung had always been one of the easiest and yet one of the hardest things that Jaebum has had to deal with while being Jinyoung's friend. It was easy, because he knew everything that Jinyoung liked, what he wanted, so picking out gifts was easy enough. But there was always something in Jaebum that just wanted to give Jinyoung more, he wanted to give him the world. 

Obviously he couldn't, so he settled for other things Jinyoung liked, such as books, and movies, and pretty antiques Jaebum see's when he goes and spends time with his grandparents. 

This year, he had gotten Jinyoung a beautiful crystal necklace he had found on one of his trips, knowing that Jinyoung would love it. 

Despite having had made friends, Jinyoung still wasn't a fan of having a big birthday party, or really a celebration at all. What they had all begun to do is just spend the day (or afternoon and night) and his house, watching movies, playing games, and then always going out to eat. 

They were sitting in Jinyoung's room, waiting for their mother's to get ready. They were suppose to be getting ready too, but for them it was changing clothes and then they were ready to go. 

Jinyoung was standing at his mirror and Jaebum clutched the necklace that was in his pocket. Biting down on his lip, and finally getting the courage, he stood up and walked over behind Jinyoung. 

Jaebum didn't notice the slight flinch as Jinyoung's eyes meat his through the mirror. Doing his best to give a reassuring smile, he pulled the necklace out. "Happy birthday Jinyoungie." He moved forward to get the necklace around his throat, and closed it for him, making sure to keep it at the level of tightness Jinyoung prefers. 

Looking down at the necklace, Jinyoung tentatively grabs it to examine it, a smile on his face as he looks back up to Jaebum. 

"You look good," Jaebum states as he looks at Jinyoung. 

At that, Jinyoung turned around to wrap his arms around Jaebum and pull him into a hug. 

Later that night, after dinner, and after their  bellies were stuffed, they lied next to each other in Jinyoung's bed. He had thought that Jinyoung had already fallen asleep and Jaebum spoke anyways, his hand going to grab Jinyoung's, "I hope you had a good birthday. I love you." 

The hand in his palm moved to interlace their hands together and squeezed. Jaebum didn't need paper, a hand movement, or even words to understand the message. 

_I love you too_. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways my fav that i have written for this so far


	9. nine

Nervously, Jinyoung held the package in his hand as paced in front of Jaebum's locker. He just wanted to open his locker, put the gift in there, and leave it like that, but there was something stopping him. The fear of doing it. 

But he didn't want to chicken out again, he had already did that twice before.

Ever since Jaebum had told him that he loved him, Jinyoung's wanted to return it the best way he could. Which would be writing it out. He had wrote it what had seemed like a thousand times already, but they always stayed in his pocket, or ended up in the trash. First, he was aiming for Christmas, but then he got too scared to. And then there was Jaebum's birthday, but Jinyoung didn't do it then. 

So he wanted to do it for Valentine's Day. 

Looking down at the themed red paper, he walked forward, opening the door of Jaebum's locker (they had both shared their combs to each other even though they technically weren't suppose to). 

Before he could think about it too much, Jinyoung slammed the locker close and walked away before he could change his mind again. 

Later that day, he waited outside for Jaebum to meet him so that they could walk home. He was nervous as he fittled with his hands. 

When he spotted Jaebum coming out of the doors, he noticed the open box that was in his hands. Jinyoung didn't get him anything too crazy, just some sea salt caramel chocolate, and then he wrote a note wishing him a happy valentine's day and that he loves him. 

Jaebum approached him, and then the grin broke out on his face, "Come on. We got some chocolate to eat before we get home and my mom finds out we ate it without eating anything healthy with it." 

Nodding and grabbing his hand, Jinyoung got up and walked with him eternally laughing at himself for ever being nervous.


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i mention this was slowburn af

They were spending the day at Jaebum's house, all hanging out. It had been summer, and the group of friends (minus Jaebum and Jinyoung) haven't seen each other since school ended. For awhile, they played games, but then they all sat around watching t.v. and Youngjae picked to watch a crime show, specifically Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. 

Things were fine, until they weren't anymore. 

It hit too close to home, the episode. And it made Jinyoung's hands clench, and sweat. 

From the other side of the couch, Jaebum was sitting next to Mark watching the show. Looking away from the screen, he looked over to Jinyoung (something he admittedly did often). He noticed the way that Jinyoung's hands were clenched, and his posture in general, he recognized it. Sometimes that's how he would look before he had an attack (something that neither Youngjae or Mark had yet witnessed.) 

"Do you guys want something to eat? Jaebum suddenly asked, turning to look at Mark and Youngjae. 

Mark nodded, while Youngjae answered with a, "That would be great hyung!" 

Turning his head to Jinyoung again, he inclined his head to point towards the kitchen, "Come on and help me Jinyoungie." 

Without any hesitation, Jinyoung got up and followed Jaebum to the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, they grabbed popcorn, and Jinyoung grabbed some fruit  snacks. Standing there, Jinyoung looked at Jaebum who was watching the popcorn in the microwave, and he had to fight back a smile. He knew what was going on right now, Jaebum had noticed. And he took care of it, in the way that Jaebum always did. He helped him, without making a big deal. Jaebum never treated him like he was fragile glass like some other people, yet he somehow also always seemed to know Jinyoung's limits. 

Jaebum turned around from looking at the popcorn to meet Jinyoung's eyes, and Jinyoung finally let himself smile. 

What would he ever do without Im Jaebum in his life? 

 


	11. eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also fyi they are only in 8th grade right now and i plan on writing past college so there's gonna quite a few more chapters

It was 8th grade the first time that anyone ever confessed to Jinyoung. 

He had been sitting at lunch, with Jaebum, Mark, and Youngjae, when a girl a year younger them walked up to Jinyoung, timidly. She approached the table and quietly called, "Excuse me?" which had gained the entire tables attention. 

Jaebum was looking at her, his arms crossed over his chest, and an eyebrow raised, which was almost enough to make her back out. But Jinyoung was looking up at her with a warm smile, and she had found the courage again. 

"I'm Kim Seohyun and I was wondering if you'd like to hang out some time?" 

It was quiet. 

Mark and Youngjae stuck to themselves, digging into their food as if the situation wasn't happening, while Seohyun stood there, nervously fidgeting with her hands. Jaebum was still there, eyebrows raised and glaring at her, while Jinyoung just sat there shocked. 

He didn't know what to tell her. 

It was something he was struggling with for awhile now, that he had been questioning. But at the same time he didn't want to disappoint her, she seemed to nervous and had to be brave for following through with it. 

Sighing he grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down a note, explaining that he wasn't interested in dating right now, because that was all he could think of off the top of his head. He had thought that would be the end of it. 

Of course, it wasn't. 

Over a week later, they were laying on Jaebum's bed, Jinyoung a book in hand, when Jaebum turned to him. "Jinyoung? Why did you turn that girl down? Seohyun? She was pretty." 

Closing the book, Jinyoung looked at Jaebum for a few seconds, contemplating if he was ready to tell him. But then he realized, this is Im Jaebum he is thinking about, his best friend. Grabbing a piece of paper he wrote down those three words 

_I like boys_

Jaebum read the piece of paper once, twice, and then a third time before looking at Jinyoung. Finally he settled with saying, "Yeah, fair enough. That's a pretty valid for turning her down." The words _I think I do too_ stuck in his throat. 

 

 

 


	12. twelve

It was his first year in high school when Jinyoung met him. He had been walking through the hallway, when out of a nowhere a blonde kid walked up to him. "Hi, I'm Jackson Wang, I just moved here. Do you know how to get to D-105?" 

Jinyoung nodded, his locker was in the D hall. He pointed down the hallway to right right, and then gestured to the hallway stemming off of it. 

"Thanks! Uh..what's your name?" 

Reaching into his pocket, Jinyoung grabbed his school idea and showed it to Jackson. 

Squinting to read it, Jackson leaned in, "Park... Jinyoung. Jinyoung? Thanks for showing me the way, I hope you have a great day!" 

It was about ten minutes later when Jinyoung was sitting in his next class that he realized something. Jackson never questioned why he wasn't talking. 

At lunch, Jinyoung was once again sat down with Mark, Youngjae, and Jaebum. But about five minutes into lunch, he heard a loud voice shouting, "Hey Jinyoung!" Turning his head, he noticed the blonde jogging over with a food tray in his hand. Once Jackson reached the edge of the table he asked, "Mind if I sit with you?" 

At Jinyoung's nod, Jackson's smile grew as he sat down at the table. 

And it became a daily thing.


	13. thirteen

 

For their first homecoming, neither Jaebum or Jinyoung got dates. So they were going with each other. They both had on suits, with corresponding under shirts and ties. Before going, both of their mothers took probably between the two of them, a thousand photos. 

Once at the dance, they met up with Youngjae, Mark, and Jackson. 

They were standing there, underneath the flashing lights, and Jinyoung kept looking at Jaebum's face as he talked with the others. After awhile, the others had left to all go dance, leaving Jaebum and Jinyoung alone, and leaning against the wall of the room. 

Finally doing it, Jinyoung straightened out and grabbed Jaebum's hand as he dragged him onto the dance floor. Jaebum smiled as he grabbed Jinyoung's other hand as they started dancing along with the beat of the pop song. 

As Jaebum spun him around, Jinyoung giggled as he ended up back in Jaebum's arms, looking up at him. The moment lasted, until Jaebum spun Jinyoung again and they started dancing. 

It had been one of the best nights of Jinyoung's life.


	14. fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahha angst

It wasn't until 9th grade that Jaebum finally found out what had happened to Jinyoung, and he hated the way that he found out. 

They were in health class, fifth hour, listening to their teacher drone on about drugs, and then roofies. Mr. Han explained how on some dates, or parties, women's drinks could get spiked with drugs, and making it easier for the guy(s) to rape her. 

Jaebum wished he was more observant. 

He was leaning on his free hand, a pencil in the other as he scribbled doodles on a scrap piece of paper. This lesson was a hard one to listen to, it wasn't as if he didn't care about what Mr. Han was saying. He didn't notice the way that Jinyoung was so tense next to him. 

Mr. Han then began to give a lecture on consent, and Jaebum was only finally pulled out of his thoughts by Jinyoung getting up and walking out of the class. Frowning, Mr. Han paused his speech and watched Jinyoung walk out, and only sighed and kept going, talking over the several other students that were snickering and whispering to one another. 

Leaning back, Jaebum look at the empty seat next to him. Should he go after Jinyoung? He had known the boy long enough to know that he was upset, and also knew that sometimes Jinyoung hated being crowded when he was upset. So Jaebum sat there, tuning out the rest of the lecture, as he stared at Jinyoung's seat, occasionally looking at the clock on the wall, willing for the time to quickly pass. 

The second the bell rung, Jaebum was the first on out of the door as he made his way into the flooded hallway. With a frown, he walked into every bathroom in search for Jinyoung. Just when he was about to lose hope, he saw the familiar pants behind the last closed stall. 

"Jinyoungie?" he called as he lightly tapped on the door to see that it was open. He nudged it open, and closed it behind him as he took in the sight of Jinyoung in front of him. Jinyoung was gripping the side railing of the stall, eyes screwed shut tight, his body shaking as he let out a sob and hung his head. "Do you want a hug?" 

He let out a breathe as he saw Jinyoung shake his head. Whenever Jinyoung was crying and in this state, Jaebum learned to always ask him if he wanted a hug before touching him. Sometimes when he gets in this state, he hates being touched and will flinch away or it will make him cry harder, though other times before Jaebum could even ask Jinyoung would be falling into his arms. "You're okay Jinyoungie, just breathe. I'm here, you're alright. Only 45 minutes left of school and then I can take you home alright? We can go to your house and watch a movie and I'll make hot chocolate and popcorn." 

For several seconds Jaebum stayed quiet as he just watched Jinyoung shake as he tried to breathe, and let his mind begin to think. Often when Jinyoung would get in this state, it would be at random times, or more often than not, at night. He knew that these episode were like panic/anxiety attacks, he's had them ever since Jaebum had met them, and maybe even longer. He wondered what triggered it, there was almost always a reason as to why they started. In class they were talking about consent, daterape drugs, and what to do. Just like that it was almost like his mind froze. _"the world isn't always a good place. Bad things happen to people, and sometimes those things can really hurt a person."_   his mothers words rang through his mind from over four years ago. _Something horrible happened to make Jinyoung be selectively mute. Trauma._

"Jinyoung," he called out. His tone was shocking enough, that Jinyoung head lifted up and their eyes met. "What Mr. Han was talking about, is...is that what happened?"

He didn't have to specify what he was talking about, they both knew exactly what he meant. He watched as Jinyoung's face turned even redder, and he flinched, fresh tears rolling down his face as he nodded. 

It was like everything stopped for Jaebum. It was like his heart sank deep into his stomach, as a deep ache crawled across his chest, embracing him, a sickness choking him. His emotions running wild at the final realization that this is why Jinyoung is how he is, and his mom had known, and that is why she told him that five years ago. 

This was why Jinyoung would cry, why he would have these attacks, why he wouldn't want to be touched, because he was raped. He was raped when he was at least 10 years old, if not younger. He was just a kid. 

And god- nothing could prepare him for knowing that, no lectures from teachers, or crime television shows to know that such a thing had happened to his best friend. The hurt ran deep through his bones, as the anger seered back through that someone had hurt him so bad, had done this to him, and the sickness clawed at his through, his eyes burning as he shed his own tears. 

There was many things Jaebum wanted to do at this moment. 

He wanted to tear the person's head off, whatever sentence they got form jail would never be enough. He wanted to cry, he wanted to hold Jinyoung close to his chest and cradle him. But he knew that Jinyoung didn't want to be touched. So he only breathed out as he began to talk to him, "I hope you know that this doesn't change anything Jinyoungie, I don't think of you any differently. You're still my best friend and I love you very much. You're so strong, you know that?" 

And when Jaebum skipped his sixth hour, he didn't mind knowing he would get lectured about it later. This was more important.


	15. fifteen

_Dear Jaebummie,_

_My therapist said something that has really resonated with me, and has stuck in my mind. She said that she believes one of the reasons that I have gotten so better, compared to how I was like when I was younger, is because of you. And I can't really disagree with that. I think so too._

_Growing up, I never really had a friend, but now I have you. And you're the best friend that I could have ever asked or hoped for. You're always there for me, you don't judge me, you're patient._

_I don't really know why I'm writing this, I guess just to express to you my gratitude, my appreciation for having you in my life. So thank you Jaebum, I love you._

_Love,_

_Jinyoungie._


	16. sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got like 15 chapters of this left ????

 

After school that day, Jaebum waited outside of the school, sitting by the flower bed, waiting for Jinyoung to come out. Jinyoung had therapy that day, and both of their moms had to work, and since they both were working, so Jaebum had offered to walk Jinyoung since he knew that Jinyoung didn't like to walk by himself. 

When Jinyoung came out, Jaebum smiled and they started to walk down town to the therapy office. The entire time they spent Jaebum was talking about the lesson they learned to day in his history class while Jinyoung nodded along. 

Jaebum waited with him inside waiting for his appointment start, and when his therapist came out to get him, he smiled and waved at her as she took Jinyoung back. 

When Jinyoung got back out, they were walking again, this time to his house. "How was therapy?" 

Jinyoung nodded, meaning that it was a good day. Some days in therapy could go bad, when they went into more of what happened to him. But Jaebum was glad to see that it was one of the easier days. 

He wished every day for Jinyoung could be an easy day.


	17. seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so short

It was the summer between sophomore and junior year that Jinyoung had his first thoughts of being attracted to Jaebum. 

They had been swimming, having fun playing tag, even though it had just been the two of them. But Jaebum got out of the pool to go inside to go to the bathroom. While getting out, Jinyoung watched him carefully. The way the droplets of water rolled down his tan skin, and how his body was growing more and more defined with muscle. 

He couldn't deny it, that he found Jaebum hot. 

So he sighed as he leaned against the side of the pool, watching him dry off so that he didn't track any water in the house. Turning around to look at him, Jaebum made eye contact and smiled, and Jinyoung felt his face growing red from being caught staring. 

With red cheeks he changed his gaze to look over to the one tree in his yard. When he turned back, Jaebum was gone. 

 


	18. eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the moment you have all been waiting for

It had become tradition the last two years for Jaebum and Jinyoung to go to homecoming together, even though their other three friends had found dates both last year and this year. But the two of them? They always went together. 

They corresponded again. Jaebum with a white undershirt and a blue tie, and Jinyoung with a blue undershirt and a white tie. And just like every other year, their mothers took hundreds of photos of the two of them. 

Once getting to the dance, they met with their friends and their dates and all talked for awhile, but eventually the others would leave them go to dance. 

Similar to previous years, after a few minutes of standing around, Jaebum grabbed his hand and lead him to the dance floor. Almost as if it was a scene in a movie, a slow song had begun to play, and Jaebum placed his hands on Jinyoung's waist and Jinyoung placed his on Jaebum's shoulders as he stared at his friend. 

Lately there's been a thing, some thoughts and feelings he has been wanting to avoid, but as his therapist has said, that's not a good way to cope with things. But how else are you suppose to handle the fact that you have a crush on your best friend of six years, nearly seven years? Besides, Jaebum had never made any hints towards being interested in guys anyways (besides the fact that he hasn't shown any interest in girls either). 

Jaebum was looking at him, with an expression that Jinyoung couldn't read, and he could have sworn that Jaebum glanced down to his lips. and then there was the words, "Can I kiss you?" 

Turning his head to the side, Jinyoung squinted wondering if he had heard Jaebum correctly. But he licked his lips and slowly nodded. Seconds later Jaebum's hand was cradling his face, and he was leaning in. 

They kissed, both of them stopped dancing to the slow beat of the song, and stood there still. After a few seconds away Jaebum pulls away to look at him. "I've wanted to do that for years." 

 


	19. nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short but a lil something

 

Jinyoung was standing at his locker, trying to put everything that he needed to take home for the weekend into his bag when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind. There would have been a time he would have freaked out, but now he wouldn't. He knew who it was, it was Jaebum. There was lips pressing against the side of his head and he turned his head around to catch Jaebum's lips in a quick press. 

Pulling away he smiled at Jaebum as he turned back to his locker. 

"Hey," he could hear the smile in Jaebum's voice as he leaned his head onto Jinyoung's shoulder. "You won't believe it, but I actually passed that test I thought I was going to bomb." 

Closing the door behind him, Jinyoung held his thumb up and then high fived Jaebum before holding his hand. While walking out to go to the parking lot, Jaebum felt Jinyoung tugging on his hand and his smiled as he pressed a kissed to his lips again. 

It was cute really, every time that Jinyoung wanted a kiss, he would pull on Jaebum's hand, and he loved it. 

Jaebum just loves him in general.


	20. twenty

The hands around his waist slid up and Jinyoung let his hands tangle further into Jaebum's hair. The two were pressed tightly together already, they were on Jaebum's couch (his mom was at work) and Jinyoung was on his lap, their mouths moving against each other's in a slow by rhythmical kiss. 

When they pulled back for air, Jaebum was smiling up at him and he captured Jinyoung's hands in his. Cocking his head to the side, Jinyoung licked his lips as he watched Jaebum. When he nudged their entwined hands Jaebum just used it to pull him closer. 

Their faces were close together again, and he could feel Jaebum's hot breathe against his mouth. "I love you." 

And Jinyoung has heard those words, hundreds of times before from Jaebum. But there was something about this time that was different than all of the other times. Before, they weren't dating. 

This time there was the known fact that it wasn't just an _I love you_ , but an _I'm in love with you_. 

He heard Jaebum coo as he pulled his hands out of Jinyoung's hands and he was cupping Jinyoung's cheeks, swiping away a tear, and he blinked, realizing that he had begun to tear up. Moving in he starting kissing Jaebum again. 

Jinyoung is in love with him too.


	21. twenty one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of like how me and my girlfriend text so like   
> sorry if it doesn't seem in character or something ??

**jaebummie:** so have you figured out what college you're going to? 

**jinyoungie:** yeah, i wanted to go to state 

**jaebummie:** for writing? 

**jinyoungie:** yeah 

**jaebummie:** i wanna go there for filmography 

**jinyoungie:** go together?   
**jinyoungie:** but what if one of us doesn't make it 

**jaebummie:** then neither of us go 

**jinyoungie:** ok   
**jinyoungie:** imma go to bed  <3 i love you 

**jaebummie:** love you too  <3 <3 

 

 


	22. twenty two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't like this chapter   
> i haven't been to prom so i didn't want to write it because i don't know what proms like so ???? i left it   
> sorry y'all

Jaebum stood by the door, next to his Auntie and his mother, all of them waiting for Jinyoung. Though he was sure that his Auntie was about to lose her patience because in her words he is "taking his sweet time" to get ready. Not that Jaebum minded, he knew how critical Jinyoung can be and how much of a perfectionist that he is. 

Jinyoung finally came out, in his blue suit and Jaebum was sure that his breathe was taken away. He heard his Auntie squeal as she went forward grabbing Jinyoung's cheeks. "Ah my baby is so handsome! When did you get this handsome! I can't believe you're a senior and graduating. I feel so old." 

Laughing at her comment Jinyoung pulled her into a hug. When they pulled away, Jinyoung finally turned to Jaebum and instantly reached out to hold his hand. Leaning in, Jaebum pecked his lips, "Ready to go." 

At Jinyoung's nod, they waved goodbye to their mothers as they walked out to head to the dance. The entire car ride there, Jinyoung held on to his hand, not letting go, but it never bothered Jaebum. 

It was the best night ever. 

 


	23. twenty four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i stg these are just getting shorter and short

Even though their last names were a few letters apart in the alphabet, and there was plenty of people in between them, the two of them stood on stage next to each other, holding each other's hands as they officially changed the side of their tassels and then on the count they all tossed their caps in the air. The two of them made eye contact, laughing as all of the caps fell back down. They had made it. They had officially graduated high school. 

They graduated, and they are going to college together. 

When the ceremony was over, and everyone was hugging each other and finding their families Mark hugged Jaebum, and then Jinyoung and turned to the two of them, "When I come back, and you two are broken up, I'm going to sue you guys." 

The two gave each other a shared smile and a knowing look, high school was not the end of them or their relationship, but only the beginning.


	24. twenty four

Jaebum leaned against the door of the bedroom, silently watching as Jinyoung organized the books on the shelf. They had finally gotten an apartment as close as to campus together, and it had been hell trying to move everything from their houses here, all while figuring out what to keep, what to leave, and where to put things. 

And it didn't help that Jinyoung got stressed easily and was very nitpicky. So Jaebum relented and let Jinyoung do his things (because he found it cute anyways). Like how Jinyoung had to organize the books his certain way. 

Or where they put the towels and washcloths. 

And their closet. 

And drawers. 

After a few more minutes of sorting books, Jinyoung went to turn to the tote to grab more out and on the way he finally spotted Jaebum and cocked his head to the side. "You're cute," Jaebum voiced aloud as he got closure. "Want help?" 

Jinyoung nodded, and handed him some books, and they started organizing everything together. 

Later that night, the two of them sat down on the bed next to each other, looking at the bookshelf that they had finished. "We're probably going to have to get another full bookshelf for the living room aren't we?" 

All Jinyoung do was nod. 

 


	25. twenty five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thought you were going to get only fluff? try again.

Jinyoung's lips pressed against Jaebum's as he felt Jaebum's hands tighten on his waist as he dragged Jinyoung's hips impossibly closer to him. Breaking the kiss, Jinyoung pulled away to let Jaebum pull his shirt off and toss it somewhere in their bedroom. When he got it all the way off, he leaned back in to capture Jaebum's lips. 

Everything was fine until it wasn't. 

When Jaebum's hand slipped into his boxers, Jinyoung was pushing away, and in a blink of an eye was on the other side of the bed, sitting in the corner, knees pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped around his knees. 

"Jinyoung?" Jaebum questioned, trying to keep his voice level, knowing exactly what was on the brink of happening, and he tried to keep his voice as calm and possible. 

Shaking his head, Jinyoung lead his head into his arms, the tears already welling up, and Jaebum couldn't tell if it was because of his frustration with himself or if it was because of what had just triggered him. Reaching forward for him, he watched as Jinyoung flinched away, and he pulled his arm back quick. 

It had been awhile since Jinyoung's last attack, and Jaebum felt his heart breaking seeing him like this again. It hurt every time. He gave Jinyoung a few minutes to get his breathing under control, and he felt so proud, that he hadn't hyperventilated and had so much more control than he used to. They used to be so much worse when he was younger, and all this means is that he is getting better. Jaebum knew that they were always going to happen, tat wasn't avoidable. 

"I still love you," he said, making sure to make his voice as soft as possible. "I don't mind that you needed to stop. You're my priority, not my dick. You can _always_ say no okay? I don't care if we are in the middle of it, if you need to stop, we will stop." 

After a few more minutes Jinyoung looked up at him, nodding, showing that he had heard everything that Jaebum said, and started wiping away his tears. 

They sat like that again, for how long, Jaebum wasn't sure, and he didn't care. He sat there patiently, watching as Jinyoung sat there, not crying anymore, but he hasn't moved yet, so Jaebum wasn't going to disturb him. 

And then he was opening his arms and making grabby hands and Jaebum moved over and wrapped his arms around Jinyoung and pulled him into a hug, feeling the tickle of Jinyoung's hair on his chin from where Jinyoung had pressed his head into his chest. "I love you," he repeated as he pressed onto the top of Jinyoung's head. 

He wasn't just here for Jinyoung's good days, he was here for all of them.


	26. twenty six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had to fit more angst in before this fic ends   
> also i think this is the longest thing that i have written for this

When Jaebum got a call he was mildly concerned. Especially when he saw it was from Jinyoung. For as long as he has known Jinyoung, the only times that Jinyoung has ever called him was to do one of the following: 

1) wake Jaebum up (like a little personal alarm). 

2) when he was sad and wanted to hear Jaebum talk. 

And considering that the two of them had been living together the past two years, neither of those happened anymore. Picking it up right away he held the phone to his ear, "Jinyoungie?" he questioned, trying to keep the panic out of his voice, there had to be a logical explanation to this, right? 

But he could recognize the sound right away of Jinyoung crying. He would always do the same thing whenever he cried on the phone, he have the phone right next to his ear to hear Jaebum, but would always try to muffle his cries, but Jaebum could always tell. "Babe, breathe for me okay? I'm going to be over in a few, do you want me to stay on the phone with you?" 

When he looked down at his phone, he saw that Jinyoung hung up, he took that as a no, he didn't want Jaebum to stay on the phone with him. 

Hopping into the car, he tried to think where he went, and then he remembered, Jackson wanted him to come over to a girl's house so that it wasn't awkward, especially since the girl was one of Jinyoung's partners in a project, and she lived on campus in one of the sorority houses. 

By the time he pulled up, it wasn't hard to clock the house right away, and beneath his worry for Jinyoung, he was feeling a deep anger towards Jackson. He brought Jinyoung to a party. Getting out of the car he slammed the door shut as he made his way inside, pushing through everyone, trying to find the bathroom, figuring that was the most logical place that Jinyoung would be. 

When he finally found it, the door was closed and he tried to turn the knob but the door was locked. Leaning his head against it, he tried to hear over the music if there was anyone in there but he couldn't tell. "Jinyoungie?" he called as he knocked on the door. "It's Jaebum." 

A few seconds later, the door was opening and Jinyoung stood in front of him, red eyes and he had toilet paper in his hands. "Come on," he grabbed Jinyoung's hand and started pulling him through the crowd and out to the car, opening the passenger door for him. "I'm going to go back inside to get Jackson, are you going to be okay out here by yourself?" 

At Jinyoung's nod, Jaebum closed the door and went back up and into the house. It took him a few more minutes to find Jackson that it did to find Jinyoung, but once he did, Jackson turned to look at him and instantly cringed. 

Jaebum looked fucking pissed. 

Walking up, Jaebum grabbed his wrist and pulled him away from the group of people he was talking to not even caring. 

"Jaebum-" Jackson tried to speak but Jaebum shot him a look and it made him keep his mouth shut. 

Still not saying anything, Jaebum opened the door to his back seat and waited until Jackson got in and then he slammed the door shut behind him before rounding over to the drivers seat. Jinyoung was sat straight, and Jaebum felt his anger simmer down again into worry as he eyed him up and down before driving back to the apartment. 

When they got back to the apartment, Jackson followed the two of them in like a lost puppy. Once they were inside, Jackson tried to speak again, "Guys I'm so-" 

"Don't," Jaebum growled as he turned away from Jinyoung to turn to Jackson. "I don't want to hear it. What the fuck were you thinking Jackson?" 

"I wasn't trying to! I didn't know it would make him freak out like that Jaebum. Do you think I would have done it if I knew that?" 

"Don't you think you should, I don't know, ask first? It was suppose to a small gathering, and that was _not_ a small gathering." 

Shifting Jackson grabbed his hands, "So I fibbed." 

"Exactly!" 

"I knew he wouldn't want to come with me if he knew it was a full party." 

"That's the fucking point Jackson!" Jaebum grabbed his head as he turned away, seething to himself. When he went to turn around again, he saw that Jinyoung was crouched on the floor, hands over his ears and Jaebum wanted to punch himself in the face then. 

He was just yelling and lecturing Jackson for doing that, when he just yelled in front of Jinyoung, knowing that Jinyoung's it. Crouching down on the ground in front of Jinyoung, he watched as Jinyoung made eye contact, "Hey, it's alright. There's not going to be anymore yelling tonight, alright? I'm sorry." 

A few minutes later Jinyoung took his hands off of his ears and pointed to the bedroom, and Jaebum nodded understanding what he wanted. He stood back up and offered a hand out to Jinyoung to help him back up and he took it. Jackson stood in the kitchen and Jaebum took Jinyoung back to their bedroom. 

After Jinyoung got changed he laid down and Jaebum pressed a quick kiss to Jinyoung's hand, "I'm gonna go talk to Jackson, not yell at him." 

By the time Jaebum got back to bed, he smiled seeing Jinyoung asleep. Now that everything was calmed down, he let himself lay in bed and contemplate over the night. He had been so freaking scared earlier, he was about to have a heart attack. And he regrets getting as angry as he did, that Jinyoung had to see that. 

The last time Jaebum ever went off like that was fifth grade, when Jinyoung had gotten pantsed at school. 

Turning over, he gave Jinyoung one last kiss to the forehead before falling asleep himself.


	27. tweny seven

They were sitting at the table together, Jaebum going through and editing some shots he had gotten the other day, and Jinyoung sat there watching him, holding his hand and playing around. He would draw words with his finger and just fiddle around. Eventually Jaebum felt a tug on his hand, and even now, it still made him smile knowing that Jinyoung wanted a kiss. 

"Jaebum." The voice was soft, and it was quiet, and Jaebum has never turned his head faster in his life. 

Jinyoung was looking up at him with wide eyes, "I love you." 

And Jaebum knew that, he has known that for years, and years. But hearing those words out loud, hearing Jinyoung speak for the first time in the ten plus years that he has known him. He felt proud, he didn't know how else to describe it. Before he knew it, he felt the tears coming to his eyes, and he was laughing as he wiped the tears away, and Jinyoung was wiping the tears away with him. 

"You have a beautiful voice," Jaebum muttered through it all as he watched the beautiful smile take over Jinyoung's face. 

After that day, Jinyoung still didn't talk often, and Jaebum wasn't expecting him too. But every little while, Jinyoung would mumble his name, or a tired 'I love you' and every time that he did, Jaebum loved it, his heart always swelling with pride, and it always made him tear up without fail. 

He felt so lucky being able to be on this journey with Jinyoung, to see him go from where he was at to now, he made so much progress, and Jaebum was so glad that he was able to witness it. To see Jinyoung grow and blossom into the strong and beautiful person that Jaebum always knew that was there. And he felt so damn lucky to be able to call him his boyfriend. 

Maybe one day his husband.


	28. twenty eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter :')

It was Easter, and Jaebum hid eggs. It had been a long time that he had debating when and how to do this, but it had been Mark who had made the suggestion. Jinyoung was looking all over the apartment for eggs, and Jaebum made sure to hide the one just difficult enough, and when he saw Jinyoung getting close, he stood close behind him. 

And then Jinyoung was reaching for it, and Jaebum's heart beat as he kneeled to the floor. 

Finally catching the last egg, Jinyoung let out a sigh of relief as he looked at it. Cracking it open like he had with all of the other ones, expecting to see more candy, he was surprised to see a folded piece of paper. Closing the egg and setting it on top of the dresser, Jinyoung unfolded the note, instantly noticing Jaebum's more than familiar scrip that said _turn around_. 

Jaebum was on one knee, a box in his hand as he looked up at Jinyoung. "Park Jinyoung, I was ten years old when I met you, and I remember that I knew we were going to be great friends. In eighth grade, you came out to me as gay, and I remember not being able to put it in words. I think I knew then that I liked you, but I didn't know how to say it. Because it wasn't guys, and it wasn't girls, it was just always you. We were sixteen when we first kissed, and when we became boyfriends, and now we're thirty, and I'm asking if you'll be mine, forever. Will you marry me Park Jinyoung?" 

The tears were flowing down Jinyoung's face, and he heard himself say _yes_ and he flew into Jaebum's arms, crashing into him with a hug. 

They were going to get married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for bearing with this and like all of these short ass chapters and like literal drabbles, hope y'all liked it

**Author's Note:**

> so i should explain, jinyoung's muteness is like he really only talks to his therapist. with everyone else he communicates through nodding, writing it down, or texting, but there will be points where he goes completely nonverbal where he can not do those things


End file.
